7 songs about Jesus on wheels (and 4 about him doing other stuff)

Two thousand years passed and, guess what? Jesus Christ is alive and kicking! He developed an interest for driving, riding and even building wheeled vehicles. And doing other stuff with musicians he meets along the way.

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by Sean Bieri

Ugly Kid Joe – Jesus Rode A Harley

All heaven breaks loose in a hard rock party. For some reason, the Lord’s got “big red eyes”. And we also get unholy glimpses from the past of Moses, Noah and Mary.

 

Tom Waits – Jesus Gonna Be Here

Jesus is coming, driving a brand new Ford to save Tom Waits. And he better hurry, because the guy is clearly suffering.

 

Craig Finn – New Friend Jesus

The Hold Steady’s singer Craig Finn is invited to the Nazarene’s car and develops a very close relationship. Then he uses it as last resort to impress someone.

 

Screaming Blue Messiahs – Jesus Chrysler Drives a Dodge

In this rockabilly tale, the Messiahs give him a nickname, a matching vehicle of choice, and inform us he “drives it on the wages of sin”. The Virgin Mary is also involved somehow.

 

Jim White – If Jesus Drove A Motor Home

Jesus is a recurring source of inspiration for Jim White. This time the singer raises lots of questions about the driving savior, beginning with “I wonder would he drive pedal to the metal, or real slow?”

 

ZZ Top – Jesus Just Left Chicago

It is never said Jesus is on wheels here, but since he crosses the US, we’ll assume he didn’t do all the trip walking like the old days.

 

Ministry – Jesus Built My Hotrod

In this 90’s hit industrial collab, Jesus is not the one driving, but the constructor. The lyrics, sung by completely drunk Butthole Surfers’ Gibby Haynes, don’t say much, but spoken word explains that “Jesus built my car / It’s a love affair”.

 

Jello Biafra & Mojo Nixon – Are You Drinkin’ With Me Jesus?

That’s a cover of folk duo Lou and Peter Berryman, about a guy who can not believe his luck finding the son of the man himself at the bar. But we’ll leave you with the underground icons’ partnership, which by the way is not the only one worth looking up.

 

King Missile – Jesus Was Way Cool

From the album “Mystical Shit”, this monologue gives us all reasons why Jesus was cool, including that “he could’ve played guitar better than Hendrix”.

 

John Prine – Jesus, The Missing Years

It is well known that nobody knows what happenned to Jesus between ages 12 and 30. Well, John Prine set out to solve the mystery.

 

The Dead Milkmen – I Dream of Jesus

Well this one is too… inventive to describe. Just listen.

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10 songs about pets

For some strange reason, pets have the power to melt any possibly cold human heart. And rock musicians, who tend to swing between the tough and the sensitive, are no exception.

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Pink Floyd – Seamus

Very unlikely for Pink Floyd, “Seamus” is a short funny acoustic blues number. It is inspired by Humble Pie’s Steve Marriott’s dog and features Seamus himself.

 

Led Zeppelin – Bron-Y-Aur Stomp

Also acoustic, this one is almost a love song. Robert Plant sings about walking with his merle in the woods. “You’re the finest dog I knew, so fine”, says mr. Plant.

 

Red Hot Chili Peppers – Blues for Meister

Done in their older, way more interesting style, this song is sung by bassist Flea, mourning his passed away calico.

 

Queen – Delilah

“Delilah” is a very happy love song until Freddie Mercury remembers his tortoiseshell cat pees “all over my Chippendale suite”.

 

The Suicide Machines – Sometimes I Don’t Mind

A very cute pop punk homage to a dog who licks his hands and then he gets a rash, but that’s ok.

 

Blondie – Sunday Girl

“Sunday Girl” was written by Blondie guitarist Chris Stein for Debbie Harry when their cat Sunday Man ran away.

 

Soundgarden – Never Named

We don’t know if the dog mentioned by Chris Cornell in this tale of self deprecating humour did actually exist. But the lyrics describing a tipical dog-owner relationship (“I had a dog / He was a mix / He loved me like a God / But I was just a kid”) grant it its place in this list.

 

Sublime – I Love My Dog

Besides getting this remake of Bad Brains’ “I Luv I Jah”, Lou Dog was actually treated as a member of the band before his owner and singer Bradley Nowell died tragically. He is also mentioned in songs like “What I Got”, “Doin’ Time” e Garden Grove.

 

Guns N’ Roses – Used To Love Her

There is some debate as to wether this is about a dog or not. It’s funnier if it is, so we’ll believe it.

 

Porno for Pyros – Pets

This song is actually about martians coming to “take over for us” because humanity is too failed. Then the pets will be us!